just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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