I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
