I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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