Do vagina's smell?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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