I hate your face
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
