Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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