a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just high enough for therapy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
