We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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