I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
