we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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