yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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