You're my little dorito
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
