So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
