My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
