dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
