I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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