Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
