R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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