I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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