found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
