We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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