I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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