don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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