Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
