Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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