there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
