Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
