i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
