I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All the doctor said was why
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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