We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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