i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
