Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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