know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
