Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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