i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
