i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
