I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
