he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
