I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
