I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
