You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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