so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
