Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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