Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
