Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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