New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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