My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
