1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I intend to get homeless drunk
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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