he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize