sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
