dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
