Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
