I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
