It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
