my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
