Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Vodka?
Forever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize