You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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