I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
