1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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