I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
