I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
