well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
