I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize