Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
