A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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