She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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