Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
