Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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