Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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