um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
