Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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