i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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