Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
