I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
