Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
