If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
