We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
