how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
