dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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