I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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