you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
