dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize